2 Questions To Ask When A Divorce Seems Inevitable, By A Psychologist

When a marriage teeters on the edge, and divorce seems like the only way forward, most partners ... More blame each other. But asking these two humbling questions could change everything.
When a divorce seems like the only way forward, it’s often the result of a slow relational erosion. Communication gets clipped, small frustrations compound and, somewhere along the line, both partners begin prioritizing everything but the relationship. It’s often a combination of grief and a last-ditch attempt at self-preservation.
The fallout doesn’t always come with screaming or infidelity. Sometimes, it shows up as quiet resignation. You stop trying to be understood, and you stop asking to be seen. By the time divorce feels like the only path forward, it can feel like you’re rejecting each other.
But what if that’s not entirely true? What if, at the heart of it, you’re not rejecting each other, but the direction your shared life has taken?
That distinction really matters. And in the blur of emotion, paperwork and outside opinions, asking the right questions — the ones you might regret not asking later — could offer a moment of clarity, or even a way forward, perhaps. Here are two valuable questions many couples are too proud to ask each other at the end.
1. What Happened To 'Til Death Do Us Part?
This question actually does get tossed around a lot, but it’s usually a jab or a rhetorical sting. It often sounds like:
“Why did you even marry me?”
“You knew this about me when you married me, right?”
But, even so, the emotional undertow of this question is often a veiled invitation to stop, block some time and trace your way back to the beginning.
Maybe it was love at first sight. Maybe it was a 10-year friendship that turned into something romantic. Maybe it was chaotic, imperfect and complicated, but it still felt like home.
The point is, at some point in your shared past, you both made a promise. You stood in front of people who mattered to you and said: You see this person standing before me? I’m going to build a life with them, no matter what obstacles come our way.